I did not come from a Christian home, but became a Christian as a teenager. And I had no idea what to do, how to live or what to aim for, now that I was a Christian. So copied people; people at church, at youth group, at school, people in books and on the fledgling internet (Facebook became a thing when I was in my first year of university, I am THAT old)
I wanted to follow Jesus sincerely, seriously and whole heartedly. I want to be godly (whatever that meant, but I heard it a lot) and I wanted to shake off some habitual sins and patterns of thinking that I was struggling with.
I would volunteer at Church for things as an older teenager and listen to the older women (who were probably younger than I am now) and I would listen to what they said and how they said it. I would feel so important when they took the time to chat and talk to me and get to know me. A few even took me for coffee (or a hot chocolate) or a Nandos and would ask me about school and my interests. They would listen to my teenage angst, laugh at my jokes and more that anything else they endowed me with a sense of worthiness of time- a rare and precious gift.
It was really at university when someone regularly met up with me, one to one and listened, talked, shared, cared and challenged. There were several women who poured out their time and love on me and helped me to walk with Jesus. They helped me unpick my messes, they helped me examine my beliefs, they helped me grow into the woman I am. Most of all, they confirmed that I was worth spending time with and on.
And lovely one, I want to say that to you:
You are worth someone spending time with.
You are worth someone spending time on.
Mentoring is a partnership between someone who is experienced and someone who wants to learn. It a developmental and learning relationship between an experienced and trusted advisor and a someone who wants to learn and be trained (I got that definition off Wikipedia and I think its a good one).
In Britain we are rubbish at making friends. We are a relationally introverted culture and we struggle to really get to know people nor do we easily let people in. We are frosty, sarcastic, protective of privacy and our homes. And we are lonely. We consistently come out as one of the loneliest peoples on earth whenever they do one of those polls that the breakfast news loves.
And we bring our culture into the church. We struggle to connect with our church family, we struggle to build authentic commnity and we are more comfortable with our instagram followers than our home group. Connecting deeply does not come naturally and sometimes you wonder whether it is worth the hard work.
I hear you. I see you. Making friends is hard and it feels harder sometimes in church because we feel like we shouldn't be the mess that we are or we are afraid of others mess or a bit of both.
So I want to challenge you to lift up your head and hear the words of Jesus:
"Go and make disciples in my names... and surely I am with you to the very end of the age" (Matt 28)
Jesus wants you to be a disciple and to make disciples. Its such a loaded word, but really being discipled is very similar, if not identical in many circumstances, to being mentored.
Paul wrote to the Thessalonian church "Just as a nursing mother cares for her children,so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well." Paul, Silas and Timothy shared their whole lives with that fledgling little church. They mothered them, caring for them, coming when they called, helping them take baby steps in the faith and to learn the basics of life in Christ.
He goes on to write "You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."
Paul was like a proud and loving Dad, discipling, mentoring, investing in these Thessalonians. He encouraged them, comforted them in the hard times (and there must have been plenty in a little persectuted church in the ancient world) and urged them to live lives authentic to their new identity as God's people. Paul had high expectations of his children, no less than to experience God's Kingdom and glory, now and for eternity. The early church did not have the bible in their hands, but they had each other. To Paul, Silas, Timothy and the rest of the church, that was enough.
I'm sure there were times when Paul, Silas and Timothy would rather have just sat in their rooms and had some peace and quiet. I'm sure Silas didn't fancy listening to yet another argument between brothers or listen to another misunderstanding or conspiracy theory from Julia and Caecilius. It can seem costly, tiring, slow going and frankly less attractive than the alternatives we are offered, compared to pouring into the lives of our fellow believers who are younger than us, with no guarentee of how its going to turn out.
But lets turn it on its head: wouldn't you love a wise, kind, committed, funny mentor? Wouldn't you love an experienced older believer whom you could bounce ideas off or just sit with and pour out your heart to? Someone to encourage, comfort and urge you to be who God calls you to be? I would love one and I can name a handful of women whom I can say; they were or are that to me.
I love that Jesus had disciples himself and that He commands us to make disciples. Think about it; the resurrected Lord Jesus was about to go up to the Heavens, to return to the right hand of the Father in glory and He chooses, out of everything, to tell us to go and make disciples, teach them to obey what He's said and that He's with us no matter what. Not: start a rabbinical school. Not: write this down. Not: start a synagogue. Not: set out a statement of Faith. He said, make disciples, teach them my words and I am with you.
So this is both a challenge and a comfort: the Christian life without discipleship is incomplete and Jesus wants you to succeed. He is with us, by His Spirit. He is the ultimate discipler and He is asking you to both make disciples, but also be discipled.
The reality is that we are being mentored by the voices we hear all around us, those we work with and for, those within our church, at the school gates, the influencers whom we follow and secretly wish we were a bit more like (or is that just me?)
So rather than be passively mentored by whichever voice is loudest and/ or most attractive, find a young woman who would appreciate a coffee and someone asking her how she's doing with Jesus. Find someone who is a bit further along whom you want to know how she did it? And then ask them to meet up with you: just directly, straightforwardly ask them. They might say no, but they probably won't.
It might not work out, but its ok. To quote Mike Pilavachi: no one died. Find someone else. It's might seem easier to wait to be asked, but let's be honest, given the state of our culture is it likely? Older women often feel redundant and like they have nothing to offer the younger generation. The younger generation can feel intimidated and lost, compared to the confident older women around them. So be the pioneer! Be the woman who looks for an opportunity to nurture faith and love in a younger woman. Be the woman who humbly asks an older woman for help. And pray for God to lead you to the right person: its a prayer He loves to answer.
I'm going to go into the nuts and bolts of mentoring in further posts. I'm going to discuss what mentoring women practically looks like, why women discipling women is unique and wonderful (rather than inferior or narrow minded), how to do a mentoring meeting as both the mentor and as the mentee and I'll signpost to good resources that I've found helpful. I'll also do a troubleshooting post where I'll talk a bit about common problems or hurdles and potential pitfalls to avoid.
So my hope is that rather than feel yucky about mentorship, you feel excited, encouraged and challenged by what can happen when you take the first step.
Useful resources:
How to do one to ones:
The Gentle Art of Discipling women
Godmothers